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(Before we couldn’t) my family and I were set to go on a trip to the Philippines. Dad hasn’t seen his family in over a decade and mamang is getting older, so it’s important we see her while we still can. 

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Researching filipino culture has been proving to be somewhat difficult? Trying to grasp at some sort of connection to home because I can’t be there is hard when print materials can’t be accessed, and many online resources are hidden behind paywalls. I’m able to find some things but the pandemic does post some really challenging limitations on how much info I can actually access.

 

I probably just don’t know where to look.  But I remember hypothesizing with a Filipinx friend pre pandemic about how researching our culture is hard because there’s a large focus on oral tradition, (which must be true for many cultures). I have no proof to validate that claim in our case but in moments of frustration like these I just think back to that convo like.. hm maybe we were on to something...

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Been thinking a lot about how the pandemic is preventing me from being with my family right now, both my immediate (Scarborough) and extended family (Philippines).

 

I’m worried about my parents and they’re worried about their parents. I know that feeling the impact of the pandemic through generations is difficult and distance is part of the deal in general 

 

just suxx is all

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I’ve been compiling paintings, drawings, visual research, poetry and prose as the pandemic has progressed incorporating whatever fragments of information I can find online. This project is an arrangement of interpreted research and experiences; here intertwined, acting as its own source of subjective knowledge. It’s a composite of information in isolated and diasporic circumstances; a stand in for family until the day that I myself can be with them again.